In January I was planning to go back in China but a new regulation by the government changed everything. I couldn’t go to work as an English teacher anymore. My world collapsed. I fell and hit the ground hard, so hard that it was painful. When you have your mind onto something, you wake up and sleep waiting for it to happen, so it was pretty disappointing to see everything falling into pieces. After two weeks living in anger and sadness I decided to do something about it, I decided to TRAVEL.
Travel is always the best medicine for me, either when I’m driving my car around, taking my son for a ride with my bicycle or when I close my eyes and I imagine new destinations in my head. So I spoke with my dear Polish friend Alicja and promised I would visit her soon in Poland. It didn’t take me long to book the tickets to a new adventure. I set a goal to myself: by the end of this trip I would know what my next step in life would be. So I had until the end of March to find myself. But first I had to give the chance to myself to get lost. So I did…
In the following weeks I got lost in new friendships and meetings with old friends, in different kinds of music and art, in vegan flavours, in my world… All of these people were the best teachers I could ask for…The time went by so fast I didn’t even realise when I was on the plane towards Poland. And my friend Alicja was the best mentor I could ask for at the moment. Alicja and her sister showed me around and introduced me to their world. A world of love, food, nature, massage, books, roadtripping and motorbikes. In other words: a heaven for me.
In that heaven I discovered something about myself. I might always seem to be strong and fierce and happy to others but I am also sensitive, melancholic and even sometimes I wonder if I am worthy of love, if I am enough for others, for the world. My duty felt heavy on my arms at that moment but it was ok. I allowed myself to feel these feelings because I am a human above all and to live is to feel, even if it means feeling deep. I allowed myself to get lost because I knew in the chaos that followed I would rise stronger and more determined than ever. And I did.
Returning from this trip I set targets to live my dream. A dream that is been forever in my heart and my mind but never had the courage to pursue. Today my lesson for the world out there, for the people that believe in me and the people that might feel the same with me is this: ‘Never stop asking questions, be courageous about the ‘what ifs’ of life, take actions and allow once in awhile to relax and sit back to clear your head, recharge your batteries and stand up stronger than ever. It’s ok to be sad; you will appreciate happiness more. It’s ok to not know what you want to do in life; keep searching. It’s ok to be unknown to yourself; we all keep secrets, especially from ourselves.’
The medicine I will suggest to all of you out there is one: TRAVEL.
Travel to seek other worlds, other souls. Getting out there, being vulnerable, fighting with your inner devils will help you find yourself. And in those moments you’ll be glad you embraced the unknown.
Peace, Marianna x